i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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