He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
