I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
