i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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