I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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