I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
