she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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