Too much gin, very little bucket
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
