My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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