My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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