his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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