wakey wakey hands off snakey
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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