I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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