Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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