I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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