his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
