she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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