A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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