Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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