I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
