So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
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I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
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For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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