Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
