I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
