YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
