Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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