my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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