i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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