last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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