I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Heβs 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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