i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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