Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
