take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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