Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
