yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
