I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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