What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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