Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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