so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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