I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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