Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
