I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
