Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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