I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
