There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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