why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
