I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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