never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
