I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
