Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you have to choose: penises or morals?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
