I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
