Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
