3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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