Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
