He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
