the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
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So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
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This is my gift to your gina
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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