I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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