The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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