Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
